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Writer's pictureKaren Zhang

怀念 (Missing/Yearning)

Updated: Mar 9, 2021

The first word is Heart

next to No.

Sometimes, the Heart hums

stillness in-sync

with my hourglass

while I examine each speck

of pollen on my white car,

yellow, but just barely.

Sometimes, the Heart hums

adrenaline and No,

carrying too much oxygen

to be locked inside

this beautiful cell.

The Heart rusts too.

Sometimes, I carry too many

dreams where I sit

next to people in the car,

arms touching.

My dream self does not know

touch is the same as kill.

Sometimes, I carry too little

light, so I lay on the couch,

listening to the sound of people

on the other side.


The second word is Heart

under Today, hidden.

I miss the walks I took at the park

when people smiled

How’re yous? I’m fines, what about yous?

They’ve all been buried in Today’s backyard.

The small talk in the elevator,

covered in pink curtains,

aching to flutter, but there is no wind.

The windows are closed, locked.

The squeak of the grocery store

carts skittering on dirty marble floors

suffocating under the weight of Today.

The barista’s decaf soy milk latte

becomes a brown bag at my door,

leaving just the shadow of invisible

footsteps.


Together, they mean to carry

something missing in the heart.

The urgent sound of life

drowned out by

the nervous song of birds.




Photo: Nishant Patel (2020)

 

Poet Bio


Home?

Duluth, Georgia.


What is home to you?

Home is where my people are.


Karen Zheng is a first-generation, queer, Chinese-American undergraduate student studying English and Creative Writing (poetry). She is interested in writing about the intersectionality of her identities. In her free time, she hosts the Mx. Asian American podcast.



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